How Does it Feel?
by Okori Yo
Summary: This is a songfic featuring Avril Lavigne's 'How does it feel'. The story is about the battle leading up to and including Nicol's death, from Nicol's point of view. Read and Review, please!


**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the chracters or Gundams featured in this story.

Note: Since I only had one review, 1 set of screenshots, my memory and no script for the episode, this my nor be completely accurate. I apologize for any mistakes in this story; but if someone wants to correct some of them feel free. This is also my first songfic, so I'm hoping I have everything right. Otherwise, enjoy, and review!

- - -

Nicol sat in the cockpit of the Blitz Gundam, waiting for the order to launch. With wavy green hair and serious chocolate-brown eyes, the red pilot suit he wore almost looked too mature for the fifteen-year-old. Breathing in deeply, the young Coordinator readied himself for the upcoming battle. Although he didn't dare show it, Nicol was a little bit scared.

"**GAT-X207, you are clear for launch."**

Staring upwards at the patch of blue sky, the teen nodded and powered up the Gundam.

"Nicol Amalfi, launching!"

_I'm not afraid of anything_

_I just need to know that I can breathe_

_And I don't need much of anything_

_But suddenly, suddenly_

The Blitz Gundam landed on top of the atmospheric Guul support craft and moved into position behind his team members. Nicol gazed out at the rapidly approaching white-and-red Legged ship that they had been chasing ever since Heliopolis. Hearing the machine's radar beep, the Coordinator glanced down and saw that two support planes had just launched from the enemy ship. Next came the Strike Gundam, staying on the ship while the planes advanced towards the ZAFT pilots. Brown eyes narrowed as the boy focused on the battle ahead. Although Nicol didn't like fighting, he knew he had to fight to protect the PLANTs. He would fight until the war was over, or until he joined the ranks of those who had died in this war.

_I am small and the world is big_

_All around me is fast moving_

_Surrounded by so many things_

_Suddenly, suddenly_

Suddenly a smoke screen surrounded the ship. Startled, Nicol gasped as a energy beam shot past to his left. Noting that Dearka's Guul had been damaged by one of the beams, the teen decided to be more alert. This was a tricky opponent. A few seconds later, Athrun's voice came through the comm. system. "Everyone, spread out!" Following his leader's orders, Nicol veered off to one side as the Strike Gundam burst out of the smoke and soared skywards. The Strike Gundam shot towards the Buster Gundam, knocking the machine off of it's Guul and then destroying the support craft. Both the Aegis and Blitz fired at the enemy Mobile Suit, but missed.

_How does it feel, to be different from me?_

_Are we the same?_

_How does it feel, to be different from me?_

_Are we the same?_

_How does it feel?_

Nicol watched as the opposing machine retreated back into the fog that still lingered around the Legged ship. Hovering, the boy looked around, buts aw nothing that required his immediate attention. One of the planes had also disappeared, probably back to the ship to get re-fuelled or something. The other aircraft was still buzzing around, but it wasn't doing much of anything. Using the short pause the fighting to take a breather, Nicol thought about his last visit home.

He had performed at a local pianist hall, playing some of his favourite songs. His mother and Athrun had been in attendance, his father being to busy with business to come. The ZAFT pilot smiled as he thought of the wonderful evening. Playing the piano was his true passion, not fighting on the front lines. While piloting the Blitz Gundam, the fifteen-year-old tried to avoid combat as much as he could, but did get involved if his one of his team was in trouble. That was probably the reason why Yzak and Dearka called him 'weak' and 'sentimental'. They loved war, and did everything they could to destroy their opponent.

Hearing his radar beep once more, Nicol saw that the Strike Gundam had once again emerged from veil that surrounded the Legged ship. But instead of carrying the large beam cannon, the machine now had on a red backpack and carried a beam gun and a shield. What had happened?

_I'm young, and I am free_

_But I get tired, and I get weak_

_I get lost, and I can't sleep_

_But suddenly, suddenly_

Realizing that the Strike Gundam was heading straight towards him, Nicol decided to attack first. Locking onto the approaching machine, Nicol launched the Blitz's "Gleipnir" anchor at it. The anchor shot towards the Gundam, but the Strike drew it's beam saber, veered to the left, and cut the line connecting the anchor to the Blitz. Gritting his teeth, Nicol saw that the enemy Mobile Suit was still coming at him. Activating the beam saber stored inside the "Trikeros" offence/defence system mounted on the Gundam's right arm.

_How does it feel, to be different from me?_

_Are we the same?_

_How does it feel, to be different from me?_

_Are we the same?_

_How does it feel?_

"Ahhhhhh!" Nicol cried out as the Blitz and Strike Gundams collided in mid-air. The beams met for an instant, then the enemy attack again. This time, he had stopped the Strike's beam saber by grabbing it's right hand, but his own saber had been blocked by the suit's shield. The pair grappled for a few seconds, then the Blitz back away, aiming the gun in the Trikeros system at the Strike. However, the other machine wasn't finished yet. Dodging the shots, the Strike Gundam came up and slashed the Blitz's right arm completely off. Frozen in shock, Nicol didn't react in time as the enemy pilot then kicked Nicol's Gundam off of the Guul.

_Would you comfort me_

_Would you cry with me_

"Damn!" Nicol cried as the Blitz plummeted towards the ocean below. Above him, the Coordinator could see that the Strike had landed on the Guul and had taken off. Smoke trailing from the damaged arm, the Blitz did a flip and hovered in mid-air, it's pilot wondering what to do next. Realizing that his Trikeros system still had the unused lancer darts in it, the Gundam quickly dove after the arm. The arm had sunk underneath the waves, but Nicol knew that the Blitz could easily go underwater.

_Ah ah aah ah aah ah aah ah aah_

_Ah ah aah ah aah ah aah ah aah_

Retrieving one of the long darts with his Gundam's remaining arm, Nicol headed back to the surface, hoping he could still help out in the battle. Feeling the impact of something hitting the water, he glanced to the right and saw that Yzak's Gundam had been knocked into the water. As he watched, the Duel blasted upwards and attacked one of the Earth Alliance's planes. Smiling, the teen nodded, knowing that his team mate wasn't going to let a little water stop him from fighting. Finally reaching the surface, he hovered above the water for a few seconds, getting a fix on the battle. A stray energy beam narrowly missed the Blitz, and Nicol gasped as he turned around and saw that the Aegis Gundam was in trouble. He had to help Athrun!

_I am small_

_And the world is big_

_But I'm not afraid of anything_

Nicol knew that Athrun was an excellent pilot, but he had been acting strangely ever since the team had searched the Orb Union for the Legged ship. The Coordinator remembered his older friend meeting someone outside one of the hangers, right after a mechanical bird had landed on Athrun's hand. Were the two things connected? Pushing down on the thrusters, Nicol flew towards Athrun's Gundam, determined to protect his friend.

_How does it feel to be different from me?_

_Are we the same?_

_How does it feel to be different from me?_

_Are we the same?_

He hoped Dearka was alright; nothing had been heard of him ever since the Strike had knocked the Buster off of it's Guul. Commander La Creuset was back in Australia planning for the next big attack on the Earth Alliance, so Athrun was leading the group. Yzak hadn't been too happy about it, but Nicol had been excited. Being the youngest member of the team, he had been picked on by Dearka and Yzak when he had first joined. Unlike the other two, Athrun had been kind to him, teaching him things and becoming Nicol's friend. Rusty had also been a great help in dealing with the other pilots, especially with Yzak. Originally, Rusty was supposed to have been the pilot of the Strike Gundam, but he had been killed in Heliopolis. Nicol hadn't changed much sine he joined ZAFT…he was still sentimental, and a bit of a coward at times, and he often cried at night thinking about home.

_How does it feel to be different from me?_

_Are we the same?_

_How does it feel to be different from me?_

_Are we the same?_

Thinking back on the encounters with the Strike Gundam and it's pilot, Nicol realized that ZAFT seemed cursed by them. Rusty had been shot trying to get it, and Miguel had been sliced in half with the Sword pack. Rumour said that a Recon GINN had been destroyed by the Gundam in the remains of Julius Seven, and Lacus Clyne had been returned to ZAFT by the Strike's pilot. Commander Waltfeld had been seriously injured fighting it, while his girlfriend had died in that same battle. A ZAFT submarine captain had also been killed in a fight with the Strike Gundam.

Ah ah a-ah a-ah a-ah

Ah ah a-ah a-ah a-ah...

"Huh?" Nicol snapped out of his thoughts he saw the Strike Gundam change packs once again. This time, the Mobile Suit was outfitted with the Sword pack. A shiver ran down the teen's back as he thought of all the lives that blade had taken. Shaking his head in a sudden anger, Nicol vowed that the sword wouldn't draw blood today, if ever again. Deciding to launch a surprise attack, the Coordinator de-activated his Phase Shift armour so he could use the Blitz's Mirage Colloid. As his suit faded from coal-black to a light grey, Nicol paused to evaluate the situation.

_How does it feel?_

_How does it feel?_

_You're different from me_

_Different_

The Buster and Duel Gundams were nowhere in sight, but the green-haired boy assumed that they had gone back to the sub to re-fuel or were off fighting the pesky Earth Forces planes. As his Gundam seemed to vanish into thin air, Nicol moved closer to a small island where Athrun had landed with the Strike Gundam. The Legged ship was close by, but seemed to be observing, not under attack at the moment. Although it would probably be better to attack the unprepared ship, Nicol wanted to help out Athrun too. But what to do?

_How does it feel?_

_How does it feel?_

_You're different from me_

_Different_

The decision was made for him as the Strike Gundam punched the Aegis in the head, forcing the last bit of energy the ZAFT Gundam had left to drain away. Teeth gritted and brown eyes narrowed in anger, Nicol landed and charged towards the enemy suit. "Athrun! Run away!" Deactivating the Mirage Colloid, the Blitz Gundam raised the lancer dart high as Nicol prepared to defend his friend and fellow team member.

Time seemed to slow down as the Strike Gundam reacted to the sneak attack. The sword that had been resting on one shoulder swung sideways in one graceful movement towards Nicol. Far too late, the teenager realized that the beam edge was aimed at the cockpit. Chocolate brown eyes widening in horror, Nicol let go of the joysticks and made a desperate attempt to stop the sword.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as the beam sliced into the cockpit, through his outstretched hands and cut into his body. As pain flooded his body, Nicol sat there, immobilized by the giant sword now sticking out of his machine. Numbly, the teen saw though a pink haze that the Strike Gundam had backed off, it's pilot obviously as shocked as he was.

_How does it feel?_

_How does it feel?_

_You're different from me_

_Different_

The pain had lessened somewhat, only to be replaced by a chilling cold as his body shut down. As his vision blurred and turned red, the ZAFT pilot saw his faceplate crack, each crack reflecting the pink light of the beam lodged into his stomach. Through a flickering side-screen, Nicol saw the outline of the Aegis Gundam. Well, at least Athrun was safe…

As blood flooded up through his suit and into his helmet, Nicol closed his eyes, letting the numbing cold take over. In his mind's eye, he could picture his mother smiling at him, beckoning to him. Nicol also heard his piano playing, the melody being the one he had performed at his last recital. Head drooping, he faintly heard the beeping that indicated that the Blitz Gundam was about to explode.

In his mind, Nicol said silent, farewell to his Dearka, Yzak, Commander La Creuset, his parents, and finally, goodbye to Athrun. As everything faded to black, he whispered, "Mother…my piano."

_How does it feel_

_How does it feel_

_You're different from me..._


End file.
